If you are like me you have asked that question a hundred times. Why do I have severe fibromyalgia, why do I have osteoarthritis, why do I have lower back issues, why do I have constant pain, why do I have to be so fatigued, why did I have to quit my career at a company that I loved, why did this have to affect my family so much, why did this happen to me so my family has to worry about me, why do I have to have fibro fog, etc.
I mostly ask these questions when I have a high pain level that makes my fibro fog increase as well. When this happens I can’t think clearly and I feel like the weight of this illness is crashing down around me.
When I ask myself these questions I normally think that if someone in our family had to have this illness and suffer so much – WELL, I would rather it be me that anyone else. I wouldn’t want my husband or children have constant pain and fatigue along with a list of symptoms as long as my arm. I wouldn’t want my parents, mother-in-law, or brothers to have this terrible, chronic illness. So if I had to choose…. I would rather it be me. I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone! I am trying to cope and accept this illness, but it is very difficult. If only I could have one day without pain, or one hour without pain, or EVEN one minute without pain, I would give anything and give God the glory. Fibro fog is the symptom that I hate the most, but the pain is all consuming and never stops. I am always somewhere on the pain scale of 1 to 10 – I normally stay somewhere between a 3 to a 10. A question that my husband asks me frequently throughout the day is “What is your pain level?” It is like he is my caretaker, but he like to know so he can better help me at the time. We have been married 32 years and he is a keeper. He wants to help take care of me the best that he can and tells me frequently that he will always take care of me. This is very comforting to know because there are people out there that are single or single parents that don’t have the awesome support that I have from my husband. I don’t know how they cope. I guess if you have to you just do it.
My husband and I talk frequently about why I have this illness. We think that maybe it is so we can help others that are dealing with an illness or pain of any kind in their life. Sometimes it is all I can do to just take care of myself and then sometimes I am able to get out a little and I will run across an opportunity to help others. I also blog and post on facebook to hopefully help others and in return it helps me as well.
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this and how you cope with the question “Why me?”
I wish for you a low pain day with extra energy!
